To be, existing

by Renee Greenland

Waiting for sleep
The only time of no feelings

Where sleep is my only peace
The only quiet from my thoughts 

Wishing there was more
More than these thoughts and feelings
Of existing

It is ingrained in me
This suffering

Now to sleep
As there is no fixing this today

No fixing this at all

For I am not broken
Just feeling 

Feeling and thinking
Thinking and feeling
Too much 

That it takes me down

Down to where I struggle

To where I merely exist

I don’t want to exist 

I want to live

So first I must live
With the feelings and the thoughts 

Being with myself
So I can learn to live with myself

I hold the key
To my own existence 

Am I brave enough
To unlock me?

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